an explanation is due

You are probably wondering by now why the name of this blog is odd. Well there’s a wonderful lesson in this story. When we (as a family) were diagnosed with this awful news I wanted to make a statement. Cancer patients don’t have options about loosing their hair during treatment, but I do have a choice, and I wanted to let Gloria know I was right there with her no matter what. The $10-haircut-no-appointment-necessary-salon was across the parking lot and sure as hell I was making a bee-line to go pull a Britney. “Make me like Sinead,” I wanted to say as I flung open the beauty parlor doors – with all the vibrato of a cowboy movie actor entering a Western saloon, thumbs tucked in a leather six-shooter holster.

I’m a spontaneous person and I like surprises. Well, good ones at least. When I make a decision I sink my teeth in and don’t let go until it’s done. Never ever ever ever ever E.V.E.R. give up is my motto… for better or worse I guess. The yin of that yang is that I also consult, investigate, shop around and call a girlfriend or two. True to form, I sent an email to a couple of lovely dears telling them what I was about to do and would they like to join me at SuperCuts for a ceremonious shave. It was a little like John Wayne asking the pretty little ladies to join him in a round of whisky. Moments later thanks to the magic of computers Beth and Ashley responded suggesting I hold that thought. Huh? But it’s a great idea I argued. It’s like willingly jumping into a cold lake at the very moment your mother gets shoved in by some crazy messed up medical condition.

If it’s about making your mom feel supported ask yourself if it’s in her language or yours. Is it going to really make "her" feel supported? When I asked you how she might feel you said you didn’t care. You were going to do what you wanted. So is it for you or is it for her? It doesn’t matter who it is for or what you do, but my suggestion, as a friend, is don’t do it for one and say it’s for the other. Either way you’re my friend and you’re still fun to hang with whether or not you’re bald.

Love You,
Ash

The duel was over. I was challenged in broad daylight & the sheriff in town settled the gunfight between my actions and my intentions.

And again, true to form, I texted another girlfriend commenting that I was starting a blog about mother’s health issue and needed to name it. The birthing process I can’t talk about – at least the human one… at least not now – but I do know that the first step is death and the second is rebirth. Spiritual growth calls for a leap of faith, and the letting go is the scariest. You can beat those wings as much as you want, but unless you heart is in the right place that bird won’t fly. However, when that special moment arrives, when the authentic intersects the divine, the world is right. That’s birth no matter how you describe it; rebirth as in religion, paradigm shift in psychology, or finding your soul mate in a relationship. It’s saying “yesssss” out loud. Thus I end my post with the explanation of how Paige pointed out the obvious; I almost shaved my head.